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Words Hurt, But They Also Can Cure

Posted: 10/10/2011

I'm bipolar. When I'm happy, I'm too happy. And when I'm sad, there's too much sadness weighing me down, and every negative thing, every anger, every pain and suicidal thoughts pop up. I've attempted to cut a few times before, but I never did do it. I still attempt to cut until now, but less often. I started having these suicidal and self-harm thoughts about a year ago. I thought it was normal; but then, I realized it wasn't and I found out that this is a sign of having a bipolar disorder. I haven't had consultation from a doctor or anything, and I've never talked to anyone about it. I'm afraid to let go of what's been holding me back from everything. I'm moderately bullied in school, and I am a loner. I have friends, but I'm invisible. Whenever I talk, no one listens; Whenever I speak my mind out about my opinions, no one cares. I envy people I see in my school who are popular or who get to be noticed by others; people who have a better life than me even though they don't deserve it, I guess. I feel like I deserve a much better life; a much brighter day. I pour out all my emotions through writing, and I dream of being a singer and author someday. I'd like to radiate inspiration to people who are just like me - who have their insecurities. People would come up to me and tell me, "You're fat." My classmate would call me fake, and wannabe or trying hard. And everyday, I eat less. Sometimes, I don't eat at all, just so I could lose weight. Some people would sometimes tease me because of my frizzy hair, and bushy brows. I just want to, for once, be noticed and recognized for doing my best. But, the recognition never really happens. Luck never really came my way.

Demi, you have been such an inspiration to me. I tried to do my best to stop myself from attempting to cut, and I still try my bets until now, the day I heard your song "Skyscraper"; the day I read your story; the day I realized that I'm not all alone. I may not know you people reading this, but I thank you for keeping me company. Someday, I'd like to be a singer, and I'd want to put up something like this; I'd write songs for people who suffer the same hurt I suffer.

Words hurt, and they cure as well.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be better. I'm stronger now. And, hopefully, even better. And even though I always end up disappointed by the unchanged days, I still keep that faith and I still believe that a better day is gonna come; that something's going to change for the better. Keep that faith in you. You're strong. I'm strong. We all are. And these weaknesses of ours just prove that we are stronger than the people who go on, smiling all the way without pains. Every drop of tear shows how truly strong we are.

By: Erika

 
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