I Still Fight, Every Day

Posted: 1/10/2012

My name is Marion, I'm from Norway and i'm 15 soon 16 years old.

I've been bullying since i was 8 years old, on my first school everyone was cool, no one was bullying each other, we all were friends and had a lot of fun. When i was 10 years old we moved to an other place in Norway and then it all started.

I didn't go in the same clothes as they did, and they called me things that really hurt, like "ugly" and about being sexually active, i didn’t know what some of the names meant. okey, maybe i was ugly... I also thought i had a best friend... we were dancing Hip-Hop together and had sleepover with each other and we always met when we had time. But the verbal harassment din't stop.

I finally told my parents about what they told me, and we moved from that place to Oslo when i was 11 years old, and it didn’t stop there either.
but i didn't want to move, my granddad told me that you can't move from all your problems, you got to face some of them.
they called me some really bad words and they hurted me so much.

The day before my first day on middle school i got a text massage from the cutest and coolest boy and he asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend...
I got so happy and said yes to him... a big mistake... i thought that now everything is gonna be okey.
The first day on middle school did some girls come to me and asked me if I was "his" girlfriend... and i said yes, they looked at me and said, "well... no, you're not."
"i said what do you mean? i don't understand..." and they said that i lied.

I got sad and walked out for getting some air.. and he comes out after me with a lot of people and said, "why are you lying?" and i found my cell phone and showed him and all the other the message he had sent me and the same girl said to me "you can change the date and time on messages" and i gave her the phone and said "show me!" and she just said "I don’t understand your phone" and i ran away from them.

on Halloween a friend of me borrowed a dress from me that my grandma had made to me, and i told her to be careful with it...
I got cold and wanted to go home, so she could just give me the dress when she camed back.

when i got it back it was destroyed... i cryed and my mom camed home and she saw my tears and the dress in my hands.

i was 14 when that was happen, and then i was thinking on suicide.. and started cutting me, i knew that i needed help but i didn't dare...
my friends started asking me what was wrong . . .they saw it in my eyes that something was wrong, they had never seen my eyes "without" a soul.
and on the summer they saw my cuts and they told a school nurse about it, she asked if she could talk to me and i told her everything, my tears was falling down on the table,

and she said that i should go to psychologist for getting the help i needed and started to go to her one time in the week everyday until it din't help anymore and she sent me to a treatment..

my mom was so worried and she was so afraid everytime she was coming down in the morning for waking me up . . . because she didn’t know what she could expect when she walked into the door.

I got help.

for a few weeks ago we had school prom and they treated me so badly that i started to cry . . .and i tried to walk home in high heels on the ice.
My bestfriend called my mom and told her what had happend and what i did. my dad picked me up with his car and drove home.. my mom was sitting with me almost the whole night,
My mom was thinking of letting me be home from school the day after my prom... but i was going on school... but i camed home again very quick because they was really mean on facebook to me . . .
they called me and i couldn't see their numbers but i took it and they was calling me really bad words . . .
I want an end on this.

sometimes i don't wanna go on school, i just wanna sleep, i feel comfort with my animals and i still fight everyday . . .my worst enemy now is . . .myself.

I don’t know how much i can deal with anymore . . .

By: Marion