Parent to Parent Support Project
Resolve school differences with effective communication skills
Published in PACESETTER, Summer 2008
By Carolyn Anderson
Disagreements and conflict within special education are normal and inevitable—there will be conflicting interests, perspectives, positions, and views of the child. Most parents want what is “best” for their children while the school is required to provide “appropriate services.” In addition, each person is a complex human being, and each school is part of a complex government agency. Effective communication can help bridge these gaps for the benefit of the child with a disability.
Parents are a child’s best and longest lasting advocates. Parents with good communication skills can be even more effective advocates for their children.
Parents and school staff do not need to be friends, but it pays to build an effective working relationship. Unless a family moves or someone changes his or her job, parents and educators may be working with many of the same people for a number of years.
Parental approaches, attitudes, and responses are choices. For example, if there is a situation where parents could “take offense,” they can choose to not be offended. While people can’t control all the situations of life, they can control how they respond to those situations.
Communication is like a mobile—when one part moves, then the whole mobile must move. Likewise, when parents’ approaches, attitudes, or responses change, the result may be a different and better outcome for their child.
Parents sometimes feel they are too shy, passive, aggressive, busy, anxious, uninformed, overly emotional, unorganized, intimidated, overwhelmed, distrustful, angry, protective, etc. Each person has a right to their feelings. But parents don’t have to let their feelings control their behavior. They should ask these questions:
- “Will my feelings, thoughts, opinions, and the way I express them help my child receive what he or she needs?
- Am I being effective?
- Does this serve my cause or hurt it?
- If I put my child first and in the center of what I do, will I still want to behave like this?”
First, gather information. Parents should learn all they can about special education and their child’s disability. The more parents know, the more they can communicate as an equal partner. PACER Center and disability groups can help build a parent’s knowledge base.
Second, think about communication skills. Call PACER to request a copy of “Working Together: A Parent’s Guide to Parent and Professional Communication Within Special Education.” This booklet contains suggestions and techniques to help improve communication with school staff. Parents might already use many of these suggestions and techniques, but others may be new ideas to consider. Parents can choose to do the best they can today, and then learn more skills to do an even better job tomorrow.
PACER's site offers many PDF files for download, which require