Many parents are surprised to learn that their child is showing bullying behavior. Often, they have no idea that their child is exhibiting these behaviors. If you find out your child is bullying, it’s important to know that bullying is a behavior and that behavior can be changed. Students bully for many reasons, including peer pressure or being bullied themselves. Your child may not realize how much they are harming someone, what impact their actions are having on another child, or they may not label their behavior as bullying.  

What you can do 

• Talk with your child about why they are bullying
  This conversation should allow your child to explore how they may be feeling, speak up if they are being bullied by someone else, and talk about other factors that may be leading to this behavior.

• Use language that focuses on the child’s behavior instead of using the word “bully”
  As with “victim,” labeling a child as a “bully” implies that their behavior is fixed and unlikely to change. Behavior can and does change. Instead of labeling a child as a “bully,” consider using the terms “child who bullies” or “a child showing bullying behavior,” which both recognize that they are first and foremost a child and that they have exhibited a specific behavior.

• Try to understand your child’s feelings and show that you are listening
  Help your child understand how others feel when they are bullied and let them know that everyone’s feelings matter. Role playing can be helpful to teach your child different ways of handling situations, along with helping them understand how their behavior is impacting someone else.

• Realize that it takes time to change behavior
  Be patient with your child as they learn new ways of handling feelings and conflict. Bullying is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned and replaced with more positive behaviors. By talking with your child and seeking help, you can teach your child more appropriate ways of handling feelings, peer pressure, and conflicts.  

• Develop an action plan
  It’s important to think through the steps that work for you, your child, and your situation. An important first step is to determine and understand the situation. Next, think through how it could be different and what needs to change. Then, determine who needs to be involved and the steps that need to be taken.